Courage In Insecure Places
I’ve been thinking about courage lately. If I am honest, it’s because I have been feeling like I’ve been lacking it and needing it. We are currently in the process of moving from Springfield, MO to the Seattle area of WA and it’s hard, wonderful, unexpected, scary, overwhelming, good and possibly the greatest thing we have done thus far in our marriage.
I’ve been telling people lately that deciding to take our road trip and sell all our stuff last June was more than just taking a risk on God, it was a giant leap into stepping into my life and purpose again. For the past year and a half God has hidden me in his giant arms and said “when you are ready, you can step out again.” These words meant so much because they took the pressure off me to muster up the courage to be ready to “be put back into the game of life” again and allow me to find out I am loved and cherished for who I am, not what I can do in the game. It was scary at first because I thought I would miss something if I wasn’t “doing anything” for God. But when I relinquished this from my heart I found I could actually do more as myself then striving to keep up with everyone I saw soaring. It was liberating to know I could take as long as I wanted to just be and nothing in my life would be missed.
Now, I am here in WA, living at a family friends house, I have about 33 items to wear, no sweaters, no silverware, no job, no cute house, two plants, myself and my husband. It feels both overwhelming and again… liberating. Overwhelming because I miss the comfort of my cute apartment, the familiar landscape of our home in the midwest, our friends there and the sunsets. Liberating because I feel the grounding of taking a step in uncharted land with nothing but the shirt on my back. The dirt sinks into the bottom grooves of my shoes. It feels satisfying. My heart leaps. I know it is good.
But I know inside of me the doubt, the fear, the pity parties I’ve been throwing for myself, the envy I’ve been succumbing to, are all signals that I need courage.
Courage to trust that God is who He says He is.
Courage to believe that what Jesus did for me at the cross is enough.
Courage to believe He provided another way called faith and grace different from doubt and discouragement.
It doesn’t take any courage for me to look at my friend’s pictures on instagram and think "Wow I wish I was living her life right now, she’s got the perfect home, perfect job, perfect hair, oh look at her cute plants! - Look at my life, look at me I have/am nothing in comparison to her. No sweaters, no silverware, no job, no cute house, no plants, okay... two plants"
It takes courage for me to stop the madness and say “Alyssa, you don’t see your life on instagram right now because it’s a story that hasn’t been told yet. You are in the middle of God writing your story. Let’s live in it girl! Share this! You don’t want to copy that.”
I heard someone say recently that we all have one story. Mary’s story was to birth and raise the Son of God. Peter’s story was the power and redemption of grace. Moses’ story was to lead God’s people out of Egypt. Each of them owned their stories before they lived them and they all chose to believe God was who He said He was before they saw Him reveal it.
Wouldn’t be a shame if we went our whole lives thinking our stories were less than the people we compared ourselves too?
Wouldn’t it be amazing if we decided to believe our stories mattered without being seen and affirmed by crowds of people?
What if we chose to see the struggles and the frustrating times as defining moments that would change history like Mary, Peter, and Moses?
I want to be this kind of person. This kind of woman.
I’ve been stuck on Hebrews 11 for a long time. The thing I keep getting hung up on is this.
They ALL believed God was who He said He was before they saw him do anything miraculous in their lives.
It wasn’t that they believed he would come through, although they did. They believed in the character of God, that he was good, kind and faithful and would thus BE who He said He was. They didn’t need everyone they came across to affirm them in their faith, they didn’t need proof first, they simply took Him at his word. and because of this (which is faith) they saw God move in miraculous ways. But probably above all else - They got to experience God be who is said he was to them.
They didn’t live off of hearsay about him, they experienced it first hand.
It propelled them to live their lives continuously taking greater risks, with bigger faith because they knew God would be himself every time.
I want to be this kind of person. This kind of woman.
What if we actually believed it?
This is the courage I am summoning. To actually believe it, before I see results, before it happens, without permission. This is who I want to be.
I want to be this kind of person. This kind of woman.
I wonder when I read the long list of “Hero’s of faith” if God forgot that Sarah laughed at him or tried to get her servant to fulfill God’s promise to her. Or if God forgot that Rahab was a prostitute. But then I think, "No!" He remembered. But I think God saw their hearts. I think God saw Sarah wanted a son of her own, He saw Rahab believed, He saw Mary clung to Elizabeth and CELEBRATED her baby even when Mary's own promise wasn’t showing yet, He saw Moses cried out for help because he was INSECURE about speaking and He saw Peter’s repentance when Jesus came and called him home to lead the Church.
God saw all of the moments. He never expected them to believe it all the time. God saw the purity of their hearts and willingness to believe that just maybe He would be exactly who He said.
I want to be this kind of person. This kind of woman.
God, I pray for courage. I summon courage for everyone who reads this. That whatever situation they are in they would find the wonder enough to believe that just maybe you are kind enough, big enough, true enough to make it right, come through and turn it all around. I ask for every who feels downcast at the things happening in the world would look to you and see your kindness and feel renewed at the sight of your face. I pray for the women reading this that they would feel a fire rise within them that affirms their identity as tenderhearted women of God. I also ask that you would empower these women to start using their compassion for good. I declare they will change homes, cities and nations just by acting in the opposite spirits they are burdened for. I say to the weary be strong and courageous GOD IS WITH YOU. God will not abandon you, He is working out your story as you sleep, eat, cry and worship. He is with your kids. He is fighting for them and for you! Do not be discouraged - For GOD is on your side. He is who He said He is. He will do what He said He would do. God we want to see you move in miraculous ways - ways we don't deserve but you delight in giving. God, we have a curious courage - enough to believe you even before you do it. We are yours. We surrender. We trust. You are better than we thought. Open our eyes to the good, the heaven all around us. Get our hopes up.
We want to be this kind of people. This kind of men and women of God.
